We turned up to our regular beach to walk the other day but found there was no beach to walk the dog on. We knew it was near high tide time but had failed to register that we were close to the Spring equinox. We haven’t lived in the area for long, so we’d never seen just how high a Spring tide could be on this coast. We opted for a walk in the dunes instead.
On Sunday we drove into a nearby small town. Our church meets in a building close to the sea, and as we walked there, we were treated to not only the sight of a really high tide, but on a still, almost windless day the rocks, the breakwater and the beach was being pounded by some enormous waves in a sea that boiled and crashed in a most intimidating way. I was glad to be on dry land and prayed there’d be no call out for the local lifeboat crew.
During the service we sat near the window with a grandstand view of the sea in all its fury and glory. It was a fitting reminder of God’s power and glory, in the words of C S Lewis, “of course he isn’t safe, but he’s good”. (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe).
Those waves made me think of some words from a familiar psalm:
I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
Psalm 42:7-8 NLT
But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.
I’ve always identified with these words and found them to be deeply encouraging.
Many commentators believe that this is a psalm (and Psalms 42 and 43 seem to actually be one extended psalm) about depression, after all a song is a great way to express just how you feel. This song reminds us that even in deep depression we can bring how we feel into God’s presence, without fear that he will be embarrassed or turn us away.
It’s a song of lament that asks the question , “Why, God?” – Why do I feel this way? Why do you seem to be so far away? Why do I feel so downcast and disturbed? Why have you forgotten me? Why are you allowing people to taunt me? Why have you rejected me? When will this end? It’s a song about the tension between faith and circumstances, a song that tries to understand why God “allows” us to suffer.
In this instant this depression is affecting the individuals ability to find joy in worship, which must have been doubly difficult for one of the sons of Korah, a member of the Levitical choir in the Temple…think Worship Leader! The fact is that “True believers do go through times of deep emotional suffering. They need our loving prayer and support, not our criticism and suspicion” Alan Palmer in “Discovering Psalms 1-72.
I am one such believer, suffering from depression at a number of times in my life. A number of years ago my wife, who is a qualified mental health therapist, put together a booklet which was sponsored by the charity “See Me” in Scotland. The booklet was a collection of stories from people with lived experience of mental health. I contributed a piece sadly written from my own perspective as a Christian in leadership.
“The man was depressed, really clinically depressed.
The church of which he was part could not cope with depression. He was dropped from the leadership and from teaching in the church without discussion. One of the senior leaders from the church came to visit.“Of course,” he said seriously, “we could tell just by looking that you had a problem. We knew something was wrong in your life.” He paused.
“It’s the fact that you always wear black,” he said, without even the hint of a smile, “and that means you must be depressed (and in the leader’s view, depressed people are second-class Christians).
Years later he’s reading a frequented blog. There is a discussion about the wearing of black. The blogger posts…“Sometimes I wear grey to show my unbridled joy!”
The man, who has long since recovered, laughs out loud remembering the absurdity of the leader whose outlook was so “black”. But he is grieved at the ignorance and misunderstanding experienced by those suffering with mental illness, and he is angry at the church leader’s lack of resemblance to the One he claimed to follow.”
“Please Remove the Label”, compiled and edited by Wendy Ward
When we are depressed, when we are struggling to make sense of our lives and asking why God has allowed us to get to this state, the last thing we need is to be told that we are less than acceptable to the church and therefore, by extension, to God. It is at these times that we need every encouragement to continue to be people who have hope because they have Jesus; we need help to continue to stay close to him as we work through our questions.
If we look closely at the psalm we can learn a lot about how this son of Korah had become depressed and how he was working it through. He seems to experience six stages as he goes through his time of depression:
- Separation 42:4 and 42:6. He was probably geographically away from the Temple and Jerusalem, and it was a painful place to be. To put it more generally, sometimes we’re just not in the place we want to be, whether that’s geographical, vocational or emotional.
- Attack 42:3 and 42:9-10. He was being attacked, both for his lack of faith and for continuing to have faith when his circumstances were so dire. People who criticise, even Christians who criticise, can have such double standards.
- Grief 42:3, 42:5, 42:7 and 43:2. He expresses an overwhelming sense of loss. Loss of companionship, loss of worship, loss of relationship with God. His heart is sick and broken.
However, even while he still struggles to feel ‘right’ again, his continuing faith propels him to co-operate with God’s spirit in the work of recovery, healing and restoration.
- Survival 42:1-2. Like a deer in the desert seeking out water, the source of life, the man is longing for God, for the spiritual refreshment and life that comes from his presence. Even though he is struggling to find God in his circumstances he hasn’t stopped looking!
- Cure 42:4, 42:5, 42:11 and 43:3. The man doesn’t just wait passively for God to sort him out, he has a strategy for recovery. He looks back, and remembers all that God has done in the past and looks forward expectantly to God doing it again…”I will yet praise him” (42:5 and 11; 43:5
- Recovery 43:4-5. Above all, the man has not lost hope – “Put your hope in God” is his constant refrain.
The NIV translation of 42:7 is “Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.” I have often wondered if the first part of the verse speaks of the discovery of God’s Spirit in the spirit of the man, a deep relationship that is not broken and offers hope even as “the waves and breakers have swept over” him.
Even in our times of darkest depression the Spirit of God calls out to us in the depths of our being that we are loved by God and there is hope – “ send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell” 43:3.
Pilgrim Traveller 