Praying…weeping…pleading.
[41] He pulled away from them about a stone’s throw, knelt down, and prayed, [42] “Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?” [43] At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. [44] He prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face.
Luke 22:41-44 (MSG)
Watching…waiting…sleeping.
[45] When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.
Luke 22:45 (NIV)
Anyone who has ever watched and waited with someone who is in pain, dying or in mental turmoil will surely have sympathy for the disciples. However much you love the person it becomes hard, relentless, and draining of all emotional energy.
I’ve watched and waited with people in all those life circumstances, and more. I’ve experienced many of the thoughts and emotions that surface at such times.
Struggling to understand, to empathise in a situation I have never faced. Trying to come to terms with the obvious pain and suffering. Feeling totally helpless and powerless to help, to comfort, to heal.
Struggling with the lack of words to adequately express feelings, desperate for something to bridge the chasm of silence that becomes all you can hear, perhaps punctuated by sobs and hard-fought for breaths.
Sometimes sleep, if it will come, becomes the only route of escape from the confusion of thoughts inside your head. Sometimes you are so exhausted that you have no option but to sleep. Praying is tough, but provides a route to escape the temptation to fear and be overwhelmed by despair.
Anger, too, may become a release valve for a smothering blanket of emotions that make no sense. No wonder one of the disciples whipped out a sword and impulsively vented that anger when the opportunity arose.
Those of us who preach should be careful not to use the disciples failure to watch and wait with Jesus as a stick to beat our hearers into deeper commitment. Given the same situation, we would be as weary and confused as they are.
Just yesterday a friend and I were talking about a particular time in my life when I appreciated the fact that he was able to “watch and wait” with me.
The conversation started when he expressed a sense of having let me down at a time I needed support.
I said, “Actually I remember many very supportive sessions with you in your office . Your friendship and encouragement were a great support to me at that time.
He responded by saying , “I remember feeling completely out of my depth and inadequate.”
To which I replied, “Just being there, listening and not judging really is enough! ( and not just a cliché).
I guess we can also know that as we watch and wait with our friend or relative, Jesus is there, watching and waiting with us…and he has some inkling of how it feels…and that’s not a cliché either!
When we come to communion our focus is upon the things that Jesus achieved, what he did for us when he gave up his life for us. For the disciples it would have been very different. When they ate bread and drank wine they would remember a flesh and blood friend, who shared life with them, who laughed and cried, told stories, showed up hypocrisy and loved the people no one else did. Perhaps we should try to get beyond the benefits of Jesus death and think about our experiences of him in our lives and in the lives of others.
Betrayal is an ugly thing. It sets aside love and trust for some personal gain. Many of us will experience the bitterness of betrayal, often from those closest to us. And more of us than will like to admit it will have betrayed the trust of someone else…we all have our price. Maybe we’ll even betray Jesus because following gets just too hard, too dangerous at times. I wonder what my 30 pieces of silver looks like…
God’s Kingdom looks so different to any other. Those who are called to the responsibility and privilege of leadership need to be able to lead as Jesus did. They need to be prepared to teach and tell stories to win people’s hearts and take them along on the journey. They need to be prepared to love their followers even to the point of dying (whatever that might mean for them). And there will be more than a little work with a basin and towel, washing the feet no one else has bothered to wash. Take a long look at how leaders lead before you join a church…or decide to stay.
Especially for those destined to lead, like Peter. When you fail, and experience the sweetness of Jesus’ forgiveness and find that he still gives you work to do, it’s meant to make you more empathic towards other failures…you’ve been there, you know how it feels. Even the strongest among us may plunge confidently into abject failure.
Nothing is wasted in God’s economy. Our failures and successes in education. The dreams that wither and the dreams that thrive. The journey to a pig sty in a far country and the return to home and father when we finally come to our senses. The people who receive us and our message gladly and the ones who misunderstand, marginalise and persecute us. The prayers we pray, the answers we receive and the petitions as yet unanswered. Yes, sometimes Jesus provides what we need and more, but equally we need to make the most of the resources we can contribute to the relationship too.
Pilgrim Traveller 