A Short History of Divorce 7…First Aid

Posted by David Ward on 01/03/2012
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He realises that he has so rarely entered her world. She is extrovert and outgoing, he introvert and private.

So they start to go to night clubs together, just as ‘sort-of-friends’. He enjoys the music but hates the environment. He notices that all the dancing is making him fitter. He starts to go to the gym, where he’s part of the chaplaincy team, much more regularly. His physique and stamina improve, and he feels better about himself.

She seems not to notice.

She has always wanted to ice skate. So they go to the rink together and book regular lessons. He is very nervous. After a while he is confident and skates well. She is losing interest.

She stops going altogether. He carries on…

A Short History of Divorce 6…Confrontation

Posted by David Ward on 29/02/2012
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It had to happen sooner or later.

He has business on the University campus. He walks into a student bar and ‘the lover’ is there. Their eyes meet across the room, and footsteps follow glances. They’re face-to-face and eye to eye.

His conversation alternates between threats and pleading. ‘The lover’ often feigns misunderstanding or innocence. ‘The lover’ takes no responsibility:

“She is a free women…she makes her own choices…”

“She is my wife, and the mother of our children…”

Resolution could never happen here. He just feels humiliated and emasculated.

He wonders what she’ll say when she finds out…

A Short History of Divorce 5…Conflict

Posted by David Ward on 28/02/2012
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They talk a lot over the weeks that follow…making certain nothing ever happens “in front of the children”  or anyone else for that matter. He punishes himself by trying too hard to understand.

“What’s it like, with him?”. “How does he make you feel?” “I want to understand why he’s better than me?” “What can I do to change how you feel?”

She seems entranced, almost bewitched or overcome by a kind of insanity. Her behaviour seems to transcend all his understanding of faithfulness and what he thought was their shared faith

Sometimes, as they talk, she backs him into a corner, from which he can find no logical escape. He lashes out in a torrent of pent-up anger, frustration and incomprehension. She cowers, more certain than ever that her behaviour is justified

Afterwards he just feels worse. How could he be so clumsy? That certainly wasn’t the way to keep the marriage alive, to repair the damage done unknowingly in the past.

The longer things go on, the more it seems to happen…