A Short History of Divorce 19…Seventeen years later

Posted by David Ward on 28/03/2012
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Seventeen years later he applies for a job as a minister. He has waited a long time for this moment, and is intensely nervous at the risk he is taking.

Much to his surprise, things go very well at every stage…writing the application, being selected for interview, coming out of the interview as the best candidate and being recommended for the post by the church leadership. He meets the church and things are still going well.

When the church votes on his appointment, a small but significant number vote against. It is enough to deny him the return to ministry.

It is rumoured that they voted as they did because of his divorce …rejection

A Short History of Divorce 18…Loss

Posted by David Ward on 27/03/2012
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‘They’ have sent his student minister to see him. The student obviously feels awkward and out of his depth.

“There’s been a meeting…a small group are insisting that you stand in front of the church and tell everyone exactly why you have separated from your wife.”

 (This is the group who have resented the changes he has brought to their church, who cannot cope with the new people from the neighbourhood who have started to come.)

The man knows he cannot do this. It’s not that he’s not prepared to be completely honest and vulnerable but…churches are often not the places of discretion they should be. His children do not know about the things his wife has done.

Suddenly the strain of trying to keep it all together is too much for him. He feels tired and unable to fight.

His letter of resignation is in the post by the evening…

Resignation means, although he does not know it at the time, the loss of his vocation, long periods of unemployment, having to claim benefit for the first time ever and…because of his failure to explain, being seen for many years to come as the one who broke up the marriage.

A Short History of Divorce 17…Sharing

Posted by David Ward on 16/03/2012
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He has been very careful when telling friends and the church that he and his wife have separated. He gives no deep explanation, apportions no blame. In everything he tried hard to be neutral and fair…it seems like the right thing to do.

Robbed of the full story, people make up their own version of events.

One night the phone rings. It is a friend, a leader in another church.

“I’ve just been at a city-wide prayer meeting,” he tells, “where a member of your church felt ‘compelled to share, just for prayer, of course’, that their minister had separated with his wife and was having an affair.” Fortunately,  another close friend of the man, who knew more than most about the situation, had quickly quashed the rumour and defended the man’s integrity.

But damage had been done, and the rumours continued to grow.

The man realised he had been very naïve…