A Short History of Divorce 16…Relief

Posted by David Ward on 13/03/2012
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It is just before Christmas. One year has passed since she first let on about her affair.

He has just finished clearing his life out of their family home, and relocating it to a small but cheerful room in a community house owned by a local Anglican church.

There is space in the house for his children, who only live a short distance away, to come for frequent stays…in fact, the house is almost equally spaced between his old home and their school.

Lying back on his bed and taking in his new space, he is surprised that amidst the sadness he is also feeling an amazing sense of release and relief. He feels safe again.

He’d better enjoy those feelings while they last…

A Short History of Divorce 15…Scream

Posted by David Ward on 12/03/2012
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“Nooooooooooo!”

They have just told the children that they will be separating. He is still trying to ‘do a bad thing well’, and on this occasion they are both in agreement. They have picked a weekend when nothing else will intrude They will be able to all spend the weekend together after breaking the news.

The eldest son tries to look brave and in control, while the youngest son quietly weeps. The youngest daughter, almost uncomprehending, weeps with him.

It is left to the eldest daughter to give full vent to her feelings in one long, drawn out cry of horror and pain.

It is a sound that will always haunt him, maybe for the rest of his life, and draw him back to the raw, painful emotion of that event.

A Short History of Divorce 14…Death Throes

Posted by David Ward on 10/03/2012
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“Stay if you want, but I’m not going to stop seeing whoever I choose!”

They have been talking, at length, about the point of impasse they have reached. She throws the line at him as he leaves for work and the safety of his lonely office.

He sits at his desk thinking through the last details of his plan to ‘do a bad thing well’. Much as he’d like to throw her out of their  home, he knows that would not be the best thing for their children right now. They do not even know what’s going on.

He will have to be the one to leave.

He decides that he will not publicly talk of the circumstances of their separation…he will remain as neutral as possible over issues of cause and blame.

After months of Prozac stress and trying badly to hold things together he knows that once this break is made it will be permanent. People may imagine it’s a separation with hope of reconciliation, but he knows better. This will be the end.

What he could not imagine at the time is how powerful people’s need to apportion blame and society’s bias against the man. Once everything goes public, he will be blamed, his faithfulness will be slandered, he will lose his job, his vocation, his home, his financial stability…and the lie will continue to haunt him into his future.

But for now, all that is in the future…after months of trying to salvage things he is finally resolved to being the one to end the painful cycle of betrayal and enable them to move forward.